Everything is

My poetry has always been a very private thing for me. I post it on a blog separate from this, but I never give the link to anyone. I write for myself only. Sometimes I like to think that a person might stumble upon my blog, but I know that it’s unlikely.

I guess I’m like that with most things I create, which might sound silly but I feel like I’m still reaching my full potential, and am hesitant to show people. I’ve always been a severe perfectionist, and I have a tendency to over think everything. I want people to hear and read and see what I create more than anything, but it’s like there’s this physical barrier inside me that prevents it. I know it’s about the time and distance travelled to reach that point. Some of my favourite Neutral Milk Hotel songs are cassette recordings of Jeff playing and singing like a maniac, as if he had this idea that he just had to get onto tape. They are far from perfect, yet this is what makes them so perfect. They are a burst of creativity, a moment of energy and excitement captured and preserved in time. If I could just find it within me to share my creative bursts with others, I feel I would be a much more satisfied person. It’s like I’m all clogged up at the moment.

I’m working on being more open with my creativity, and in general. It’s really hard for me.